Fragmented Thoughts of Love
by YuYuFanatic14
Summary: The boys ponder over their objects of affection. Through these fragmented thoughts, love is born and shared. KoenmaYusuke, ItsukiSensui.


Wow, I haven't posted a story here in AGES... I was having writer's block for the last month or so, then I just wake up a few days ago, on vacation, and start writing. In three or four days, I had written 13 or so pages in my notebook. Awesome. Anyway, this is a bit different style than I usually write, (more thought-oriented) but I hope you guys like it. Also my first time doing a pairing besides Yu/Ko. Well, of course they're still in it, but I'm including Sensui/Itsuki as well to see how I do. (I know I make Itsuki act a bit ooc in some places- that was on purpose. It's to show how emotionally out of whack he must be in the situation. You'll see when I mean.)

I don't know what color Sensui's eyes are, so I might be wrong. It's only mentioned twice, so I really don't care.

Disclaimer: I do not own YYH, though it'd be sweet if I did.

* * *

His respect for the Spirit Detective had grown after each successful mission. Perhaps it had become more than respect, he didn't know. He didn't know exactly when it changed, and he didn't know what it had changed _to._ All he knew was that the Detective had become someone he himself looked up to, which was rare. 

He doubted the boy noticed. He was just a teenager, after all. He doubted the boy would even understand if he was told… Maybe he would, and that was why he didn't say anything. He didn't know.

All he knew was that he, the lord of the dead, loved his Spirit Detective, Shinobu Sensui.

-

He remembered the day it all went wrong. The boy had entered his office, ready to accept his next mission. It was a fairly easy one, so Koenma wasn't too worried. He explained the case, trying to keep eye contact with Shinobu as usual. It was a bit distracting, watching those violet eyes, and he quickly caught himself.

Shinobu noticed his pause and frowned. "Sir? Are you alright?"

Koenma had to take a deep breath to restrain himself from blurting out what he wanted to. His feelings were inappropriate… but he didn't care. As he tried to decide how to respond, Shinobu's expression became more confused.

"Koenma-sama, what is it?"

"…It's nothing, Shinobu. I'm sorry. Now-"

"No," Shinobu cut him off. "You never stop unless it's important. Is there something different about this mission?"

Koenma hesitated. How would you phrase such a thing? 'I love you, Shinobu, even though I'm your boss and I'm not human?' Oh, yes. Lovely.

"If it's something that might make Mr. Itsuki upset, it's alright. He's not here, and I don't have to tell him."

Koenma sighed. "Shinobu, it's not something I really should be sharing."

"It's about me."

Koenma winced. "Yes."

Shinobu paused for a moment, and Koenma knew the boy was sensing his energy.

"Koenma, do you love me?"

The demi-god's cheeks turned a light shade of pink. "Yes…"

Shinobu nodded thoughtfully. "I see."

Koenma had closed his eyes, not wanting to see Shinobu's reaction, and was surprised when he felt a soft pair of lips on his own. His eyes opened and he quickly pulled away.

"What…?"

Shinobu smiled gently. "That's what you wanted, wasn't it?"

"Yes, but-"

"Don't talk." And Shinobu was kissing him again. But of course, it wouldn't last.

After a few seconds, Shinobu backed away, and Koenma blinked in confusion.

"Shinobu?"

The boy's eyes were blank for a moment, then they narrowed.

"He's having a hard enough time dealing with us, and you push this on him," he hissed. "Leave him alone."

Koenma frowned. "You're not Shinobu, are you?"

"How kind of you to notice."

"Do you have a name?"

'Shinobu' seemed frustrated. "No. We're forming. Which is why he's confused. So leave him the hell alone."

Before Koenma could say anything, the boy's eyes again became unfocused and he swayed, falling forward before catching himself on Koenma's desk.

"Shinobu? Is that you?"

The boy held his head, wincing. "I… I think so."

"What was that?"

Shinobu looked scared. "I- it's nothing, sir."

When Koenma continued to stare at him, he sighed. "I think they're other personalities, sir."

"How?"

"I don't know, sir." Shinobu seemed uncomfortable, so Koenma decided to drop it.

"It's okay," he said gently. "We'll worry about it later. Let me finish explaining your case and you can be on your way."

Afterwards, Shinobu felt guilty lying to Itsuki about why it took so long getting his instructions.

-

Koenma was worried. He didn't think that the mission he had sent Shinobu on would have damaged him enough to make another personality… but apparently it had. And it was his fault.

He didn't want to think about what could possibly happen now, but he knew it wouldn't be good.

He sat up in bed, rubbing his face. He couldn't go on like this. Pining after his Spirit Detective… He wasn't even sure whether the boy liked him back, as whenever either of them initiated (or mentioned) romantic actions, an alternate personality would come out and effectively end the conversation.

Koenma's dreams weren't helping in the least. It would always be him and Shinobu, just being together, not worrying about anything. And then, just before they kissed… he would wake up, Shinobu's name on his lips and tears on his lashes. He couldn't take it anymore.

-

Itsuki watched the boy carefully. The two weeks after the Black Black Club incident had been strange, to say the least. Shinobu's personality splitting disturbed him greatly, and he was worried that the boy he had come to know and care for would be fragmented beyond repair.

…But did he _want_ to repair Shinobu? Did he want the boy depressed over his actions, maybe even committing suicide over it? He wouldn't put it past Shinobu.

So he'd just have to adapt to the new personalities, and hope Shinobu would still love him when the splitting was done.

True, his partner had had a relationship with Koenma, but that hadn't lasted long. The violent personality had seen to that.

But… what if that same personality prevented Itsuki from getting close? The demon closed his eyes, sighing. No matter what happened, he'd be at Shinobu's side. And even if the boy couldn't return his love, he'd survive.

-

Here he was again. Another detective, another heartbreak. He wouldn't make the same mistake, he had told himself. Falling in love with a detective was strictly against the rules, and yet he had done it again.

Koenma sighed, holding his head in his hands. He tried not to be in his teen form around Yusuke like he had done with Sensui. Yusuke made fun of him, but it was better than loving him.

Since Yusuke wasn't there, he turned into teen form and closed his eyes, picturing the detective's trademark smirk, his dark brown eyes…

Tears started to fill his eyes and he wiped them away angrily. Yusuke had Keiko, just like Sensui had Itsuki. Koenma had seen them kiss. It was bound to come back with Yusuke and Keiko and tear his already scarred heart.

"Yusuke…"

-

Itsuki loved Shinobu. He did not deny that. But he could also not deny that Kazuya's consistent presence made tension grow between them. All Sensui focused on now was his plan to destroy humanity. It was getting tiresome.

But of course, he could not talk. He wanted to see this to the end- he knew Sensui would die, and he needed to be there when it happened. He would not _could not_ let Shinobu go to Spirit World, where he would be judged by unfair rules. They would stay together forever. He would make sure of that.

-

Shinobu knew Itsuki loved him. It would take a fool to not notice. He felt bad for not treating Itsuki the way he wanted to, but the plan had to come first. His other sides would not allow it, after how far they had come, if he decided to quit for _romance._

Whenever he was trapped inside, he would watch Itsuki through the other personality's eyes, even if it was for the briefest moment.

When he was out, he didn't get much chance to show affection, but he'd do what he could to show Itsuki he cared. A gentle look or touch…

He felt guilty about not telling the demon outright he loved him, but there was too much at stake. Maybe after the tunnel was completed.

-Yusuke POV-

I know you're hiding something from me, Koenma. I see it in the way you look at me. You're always so hesitant to look at me in the eyes when you're in that rare teenage form of yours. You always try and show off when I'm around. Do you do that all the time? I wouldn't think so. I can't imagine it.

Do you care for me, Koenma? If you do, I wish you'd just tell me, so I could tell you I feel the same.

…You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you, what with Keiko and all. I know what I said while fighting Toguro, but I love you. I need to tell you soon. I can tell you're breaking.

-

Koenma was angry. Even though Sensui was gone, he could still remember in detail the handful of times they'd managed to kiss or hug before another personality took over. He missed it…

But now there was Yusuke. He planned on telling the Spirit Detective that day, and whatever it would bring would be fine. If the boy hated him, he'd just forget about it, and if he loved him… well, better not get his hopes up.

The doors to his office opened, and Koenma took the pacifier out of his mouth. Better to look serious for Yusuke. That was why he was in his teenage form as well.

"Yeah, Koenma? What is it?"

"I needed to tell you something, Yusuke… please sit."

The Spirit Detective did so, feeling a fluttering in his stomach.

"I've been thinking about something for a while now," Koenma started.

"So've I," Yusuke said. "D'you think it's the same?"

"I doubt it."

Yusuke smiled slightly. "Really?" And before Koenma could respond, he closed the distance between them and kissed him gently.

Yusuke felt tears on his cheeks and backed away slightly, opening his eyes.

"Koenma-"

"No. I'm not sad. I love you, Yusuke."

The younger boy smiled gently and leaned his forehead against Koenma's.

"I love you, too."

-

Itsuki was getting annoyed. Sensui hadn't spoken to him about anything other than the tunnel for at least two weeks. Shinobu hadn't been out for ages, and his visits from Naru weren't alleviating his desire for the original personality.

He was almost looking forward for the end of the plan, so whether Sensui was dead or not, Shinobu would be able to spend more time with him.

-

Holding onto Shinobu's lifeless form in the alternate dimension, Itsuki felt sad. Shinobu wouldn't be leaving him now, but they couldn't talk, and Shinobu couldn't kiss him or hug him like they could before he became fragmented.

He didn't care about the previous relationship the boy had had with Koenma. Shinobu was his and his alone now. Forever.

-

"No! You can't take Shinobu!"

"We have to take his soul. If you resist, we will take him by force."

Sensui's body was pried from Itsuki's frozen fingers, the demon watching with wide, sorrow-filled eyes.

"Shinobu…" The SDF disappeared from the dimension, and Itsuki fell to his knees, fighting the childish urge to cry.

His Shinobu had been taken from him, and he was _alone…_

He felt a drop of water fall onto his hand, and he could feel his shoulders shaking.

_Don't cry, 'Suki-chan. (1)_

Itsuki's head snapped up, eyes wide. Had he really heard Shinobu's voice, or was he dreaming?

He felt a small tendril of energy encircle him for a moment, and then the warmth from Shinobu's body was gone.

Itsuki clenched his eyes shut, picturing Shinobu as best he could. Deep purple eyes that looked as though they could see into your very soul. Beautiful tanned skin, so soft… his smile…

More tears fell from his eyes, trailing down his cheeks…

_Stop._ This would do nothing. He had to get Shinobu's soul back. And he knew _just_ the person… or, rather, _god_, to see about that.

-

Koenma was glad the problem with Sensui was over. True, they had to watch the hole and eventually patch it up, but at least Yusuke was alive. He had been so scared during that last fight… when Yusuke had come back to life, he couldn't have been happier.

True, he hadn't shown it, as the situation had been a little sticky, but if he had a choice, he would have run up and kissed Yusuke, thanking the stroke of luck that had made Yusuke half demon.

He was distracted by the door to his office opening abruptly.

"Who's there?" Quickly turning to teen form, he stood up.

"Relax, Koenma. I don't want to harm you. Where's Shinobu?"

Koenma frowned. "Itsuki?"

The blue-haired demon looked horrible- his clothes were ripped, he was pale with dark marks under his eyes, and his energy felt frantic.

"Where's Shinobu?" he repeated, coming closer to Koenma.

"You can't see him," Koenma said firmly. "His soul is going to be judged shortly."

"_Where is he?_" Itsuki questioned again, almost angrily. "I need to see him! You took him from me! Give him back!"

It was strange to see the normally calm demon in such a state of distress.

"What do you need to tell him?"

"That's none of your concern," Itsuki said quietly, trying to restrain himself. "May I at least stay to see his judging?"

Koenma hesitated. He didn't know what kind of emotions would be stirred up in this meeting… but Itsuki posed minimal danger at the moment.

"Fine."

Intense relief passed through the demon's eyes. "Thank you."

Another figure entered the room, escorted by a member of the SDF. Koenma waved away the guard, and the doors closed.

"Itsuki? What are you doing here?" Sensui asked, confused.

"I couldn't let you go, Shinobu… forgive me. I know you wanted to die, but I can't-" he stopped. He couldn't be selfish. He was being unfair to Shinobu.

Koenma watched as the human's eyes softened.

"Itsuki… you couldn't let go."

The demon shook his head, tears appearing in the corners of his eyes.

"Don't cry, 'Suki-chan," Sensui said gently, brushing the tears away. Itsuki looked up at him, eyes shining with more tears.

"You said that when you left," he murmured. "I couldn't let you go, Shinobu… please don't leave me."

Sensui looked over at Koenma, who had been watching them silently. He felt bad for them… especially Itsuki. He knew what it was like to love someone and have them out of your reach.

"Is there a way I could stay with him?" Itsuki asked desperately. "Be included in his punishment? I would…"

Sensui glanced at his partner sadly. "Itsuki…"

Koenma felt a little strange. With a handful of words, he could make or break their lives… he had the power to control their fates, and he felt so… guilty. He couldn't break them apart, but he couldn't just let Sensui go. He was a criminal. He sighed and walked over to Sensui, holding up a hand.

"_Combine_," he whispered, and Sensui felt a tingling sensation. (2)

After a few seconds, it abated, and he cautiously reached out for his other selves. He was met with silence.

"You took them away?" he asked incredulously. Koenma nodded, and a tentative smile appeared on his face.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because against my better judgment, I'm not sending you to hell."

Itsuki frowned. "But you can't make him alive again… his body is unhealthy."

"I realize that. But if you stay in the void, time won't pass and his body won't degrade any further."

"So…" Shinobu glanced at Itsuki. "We'd be alive forever?"

"Until you're ready to rest and be reincarnated. But of course I'll check in on you once in a while."

Itsuki looked at him in disbelief. "You'd let us live?" he asked. "Without sending your detective after us?"

"If you don't cause trouble."

Itsuki's eyes widened as he looked at Shinobu. "We can finally be together…"

The boy smiled, holding the demon close. "Yes, Itsuki. Take us back, please?"

"Of course. Thank you, Koenma."

The demi-god waved as they started to turn transparent. "I'll see you in a few weeks."

As the pair disappeared, he felt good that he hadn't made them break up. He still felt a little sad about Shinobu, but he had Yusuke now, and Itsuki needed Shinobu more.

* * *

1- It was an accident- I put Suki there 'cause it sounded cute. I looked it up for fun- 'fondness/love.' Wonderful accident. 

2- If he could do that, then why didn't he do it before? I don't know. I just needed a way to get the personalities gone, and death seemed too convenient. Call me crazy.

About the ending- I don't think he'd have the authority to do that, but part of me can just imagine him doing that. It felt cute.

Finally- sorry so many notes, but I need to put them here- I really feel like I want to put more in here, but my brain is refusing to do anything, because then it'll just turn into little fluffy scenes between the two couples. I think I could do that, in a seperate "drabble" story, but I don't know if anybody'd read it. If you review, tell me if you would, and maybe some ideas? I really want to get back in this fandom.


End file.
